Friday, August 8, 2008

ambivalence is my middle name

seems i have to figure out how to set the clock on my blog. the last post WAS written on friday, even though it says thursday. it was also my 101st post.
i've had this sneaky feeling you're supposed to do something at those round numbers, but what?? crafters throw giveaways, competitions etc. but this isn't really a crafty blog (and a competitions requiers competitors - at least, it would help...) so it made me think a little about this whole blogging thing. i'm pretty ambivalent towards it. so much fun, but on the other side, quite embarrassing. i can think of a number of people i would never, ever want to read this blog. it's private. and there's the paradox; a blog is basically an online diary. a public one! are we just indulging in self exposure, hoping, waiting to be seen? for those magical comments, the blogrolls?
but then there's the fun of reading blogs. the inspiration to be gathered, the good laughs, the fascination with other peoples lives in so different countries. and the wish to be part of this - this something.
i started this blog for three reasons; 1: i wanted to explore this (to me) new phenomena, because it fascinated me. i wanted to play. 2: i already had a crafty blog in norwegian, but i felt limited by the craft theme and the language. 3: i wanted to use the blog to try and help me sort things out in my life. i thought maybe i could find some sort of pattern after a while. i have too much education in too many (completely different) areas, am far too interested in far too many things, and i am paralyzed at all the opportunities in life - how can i pick just one path for myself and be content? impossible. so i use the elimination method; educate myself in all my interest areas until one of them stands out clearer than the rest. well, it's not happening. and it turns out, i have a hard time writing anything here, because writing in english is either bad english or taking forever. finding patterns or paths among a bunch of photos of my messy house is not leading anywhere. so.
i actually believe that writing a good old paper and pen diary in my own language would be far more helpful to me.
but then there wouldn't be colourful photographs. there wouldn't be other bloggers sharing their life. there wouldn't be laughs and inspirations. there wouldn't be embroidery, cool ugly retro fabrics, beautiful interior, groovy collages, stunning minimalist aesthetics, sweetness and kindness and tips and people who share your interests and..... it just wouldn't be as much fun.
so i'll go for post number 200 before i evaluate again.


Bjørk said...

Great post. (And great blog:) I've been thinking a lot about this as well. I still do. But why all this thinking? (Note to self ;P )Why all this analyzing and wondering about what other people think, and about choosing that one path? Do we really have to? (Yes it's kind of exhausting (for me anyway), but is that because of our own ambivalent feelings about it or is it because we get too caught up in what others might think? I'm hearing the shoulds...)

And so what if we want exposure and people to see us and hear our thoughts? Isn't that "human"? Is it wrong? I believe this is a very Norwegian way of thinking.

I felt better after changing into writing in English - it was easier to hide all these doubts and ambivalent feelings about blogging. Most of the blogs I read are in English (American), and I've never seen any questioning or thoughts like this (I guess it's out there somewhere), but my guess is that that many Norwegians think about this.

(I'm really starting to sound like I've been watching too much Opera or Dr.Phil in my life...or roaming about too long in the self-help section...haha ;)

Anonymous said...

Fint innlegg :) Faktisk ganske inspirerende, som bloggen din generelt. Tror jeg må fikse meg en blog snart (- phuuu eeeeeenda mer å bruke tid på...ÅNEIIII)Klem

Lynnie said...

It's true that blogs are public and can be embarrassing, but I also love knowing that somewhere out there I will never forget what life is like right now because I wrote it all down in my blog. I like knowing that my blog is like making my memory a little bit more permanent. All those sweet little events with my daughters that I might otherwise forget. As long as the internet doesn't just totally disappear one day and suck all these blogs away with it!

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about feeling like perhaps we are being self indulgent by blogging. In the end I decided I blog in order to satisfy my need to write. I don't have time to write long things, so I do snippets on my blog.

I love the community of so many different kinds of people, all over the place. When reading blogs, I am reminded of women centuries ago who went with their husbands to God knows where, only to find themselves hopelessly isolated from all other female contact. Some maintained pen-pal relationships, and I'm certain that getting a letter in the mail from your pen pal gave them the same sense of excitement as we get from reading comments. It's connection.

I love your blog; you'd better not quit!

Anonymous said...

You've expressed (very nicely I might add) a feeling that I've had for a while. It's a strange paradox - this public forum where we express our private moments. I haven't shared my blog with my closest friends, my mother or my husband but I'll tell a stranger my deepest thoughts. Somehow it's a safe distance I think.

Thank you for your post, I can't wait to explore the rest of your blog.


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